THE  ELDERLY, FAMILY HISTORY, DEMENTIA

                           a few tips to help your Relative by compiling a Family Tree.

Without memory we do not learn.

Working with the elderly has its' own unique challenges but provides the wonderful benefit of developing a relationship through the shared knowledge of life, love and strife. Start your family tree as soon as you can, but definitely as soon as you realise that your relatives memory is failing. Dementia steals millions of precious memories. You may find that by compiling your family tree that your relative feels less depressed and that their memory and cognitive abilities improve. The following points are a guide to compiling a family tree with and for your relative.

• Try to always use a voice recorder. You will soon find that memories either flow like a river in full spate or completely dry out. Stopping your relative to write down the facts will result in them forgetting what they were relating.
• Take note when replaying the recorded conversation – it is easy to become frustrated and you will soon note that perhaps you should have breathed deeper and remained totally calm.
• When researching expect some or even much of the information to be incorrect – the elderly do get very muddled with names so be prepared to double check.
• Keep interview sessions to one hour to stop tiredness. Your relative will also really look forward to seeing you next time if it is an enjoyable experience. Always report back with your research results at the start of each new session. You will most likely find that your findings prompt new memories.
• Remember to let them guide you in what they want researched. They are giving you their time and probably want questions answered. Great Uncle Denis may be of little interest to you, but your Great Aunt may have cherished memories about him.
• Empower your relative by submitting in draft your record of their life. Ask them to check and make amendments.
• Use the internet with them, show them census results on line, interesting web pages, as an example, a site with photographs of were they used to live – they will be so fascinated especially, if like so many elderly, they have no experience with technology. Again this will prompt the recall of memories.
• Be prepared to repeat explanations many times and acknowledge that you will be told the same story many times.
• Most important, let your relative acknowledge that they were conceived prior to marriage, just give them the dates. Monitor really bad news – if it is likely to cause upset – do not tell them. You may find it intriguing to have a murderer in the family – but it could cause a lot of distress to an elderly relative.
• You may find a long lost relative, or even one completely unknown. Before arranging any meetings or communication check both with your relative, and if it is not your parent, their immediate family that it is acceptable to make contact.
• Keep it simple, do not issue extended family trees, it will probably confuse your relative, just keep to the direct maternal and paternal line then:
• Issue family group sheets for parents, grandparents, great grandparents noting children and their spouses. Your elderly relative will find this much easier to understand.
• Allocate as much time as possible to recording your relatives life story. As a written document it will help not only them, but their carer, should they succumb to dementia.
• Prepare a full family folder for them with family tree, family life stories, photographs plus the usual census results, copy certificates etc.

Treasure the time you have had together, you have been privileged to enter into the life of someone special and remember to keep visiting your relative regularly to talk about the family.